I'm not homeschooling anymore. Just typing that was like lifting the world off of my shoulders and watching it crash into the ground. An Atlas shrug. I can list a thousand reasons why I stopped, but then it would be like I was trying to justify my decision to you. Suffice it say, it was a decision long in the making. It was painful.
Homeschooling was more than a school choice, it was a way of life. It was the sound of feet pounding through my house all day. It was spontaneous hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Now, it's gone. Of course, my kids aren't gone. I still get to have them with me in the afternoons. I enjoy them even more because now, I get to miss them.
Maybe they'll go to school for one year or ten. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel better. Slower, refreshed, and less like the entire future of my children's lives is resting on how I spend every moment of every day. It turns out that I'm not the mom I thought I was. I strove to be her, but she was always just beyond my grasp. I really am this other mom. A mom who wants a career. A mom who can say good-bye to her kids every morning.
I have to be honest and authentic or I will be crazy. So, here I am, doing what I love to do, doing what I have dreamed of doing - I am writing, and the only sound in the house is the whirring water that's racing in circles inside of my dishwasher. I miss my children, but not enough to bring them back home, yet. Which mom am I, again? Oh, yeah, I'm the happy one.
Former homeschooler here! AND I'm from Greenwood, MS! I now live in Indiana but started following you after the Dateline special. Of course the way I found you was seeing all of the angry comments about the special from all of my Facebook friends. I am white. Born in 1967. Graduated from GHS in 85. Now married for almost 23 years with 4 adopted bi-racial children!
ReplyDeleteTo say we stick out in the crowd when we go home is an understatement! I would love to be able to talk to you some time. We have so much in common. It's really bizarre how you are black but never really lived with the racism that so many in Greenwood had to endure and I'm white and never knew that so many horrible things hapened in my hometown. I never looked at my classmates as different but knew there were things happening around me that didn't make sense. Like we never had "school" dances. The white parents planned and put on our dances and the black kids had their own dances. I hate to think that any of my friends were mistreated due to their race!
I have gone back and watched the original documentary the Booker was in, I watched your documentary and the dateline special, and I have read your entire blog. Very fascinating and happy for you that you were able to successfully document some of what happened to your grandfather.
Hey Candy,
DeleteLet's connect. If you fill out the contact form (under "contact Yvette) then I'll have your email address.
Best to you!
I could never understand how people can be so generous and relentless in their pursuit of providing their children with that much time and energy for learning (this coming from an academic). Well then again, I am not a mother. But I thought learning everything all over again and having to do experiments etc were such hard work (maybe I am just too lazy).
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for the years you have carried this on. And I applaud you for trying something different and giving yourself some time. Kids are resilient and they will find joy in many different environments. I am glad to hear you now have more time to devote to your writing. Enjoy the silence while it lasts (like until 2 pm, right?)
Zeynep
Hey sweet friend, I remember running through the Indian reservation with you and along the canals while I was making the decision to homeschool. You were there for the start, and what appears to be, the end of this journey. I miss you and I really do hope that in the coming months I can see your sweet smile, not just on Facebook, but in real life! A wintry, snowy Alaska sounds really good to me as I face another 115 degree day!
DeleteGood for you! Because you are an involved parent, your children will now have the best of both worlds! A parent with homeschooling skills, AND a social public school environment with support. Good for you! Good for your kids! You truly have it all!
ReplyDelete