Whites Only

I have said that I was the only black kid in my classes until the sixth grade. I was thinking about this when I remembered that there was one boy of color, whose name I still recall, in my fifth grade class. His name was cool, I wish I could reveal it, but I’ll try to make up an equally cool pseudonym: Stephen Azo. He was black and Filipino mixed. I think I learned a lesson about race and class from my experiences with him. He was amazingly good looking. He had beautiful skin, soft eyes, and he seemed to drip with confidence and humor. I adored him. The problem was, so did everyone else. The most beautiful girls in my class were all in love with him and he dated most of them. He liked me. His sister and my sister were best friends for over a decade.

I have never been good at hiding my true feelings. Everyone, including Stephen, knew that I was madly in love with him. I don’t know if it was because he was black and I assumed that we would be allies or if it was because he was so wonderful, but my heart ached every time I saw him. When we talked I could barely keep myself from sweating and stuttering and I had a hard time looking him in the eye.

Stephen didn’t have a lot of money. He was probably one of the poorest kids in class. His pants were a little too big and he folded them and curled them under in a way that looked hip. Having less than the rest of us made him seem risky, like he was hardened and knew a little more than the rest of us about life. There was a girl in my class who was gorgeous. She always wore really, really short shorts and I can remember hoping and praying that Stephen would not fall for her. Of course, he did. But not before telling my sister that he liked me but he couldn’t date me because I was black. He had a rule that he did not date black girls because he thought they were bitches.

Stephen turned his poverty into an asset. His worn out clothes made him look deep and experienced compared to the boys who only wore Guess and Izod. His blackness was like a magic touch. His skin was the perfect balance between white and black, his hair was eternally shaped into effortless curls. As a black boy from the wrong side of the tracks he could choose to date whoever he wanted and he chose whites only.